Swamp Mock Draft 2.0

The first of July is here and it's time for another mock draft for your Swamp Football League. A word of congratulations to begin, this has been the most active offseason in the 17-year history of the league. It's been great fun and I hope it continues.

1. Los Angeles...Neil has turned into a trading fool. Two separate deals have netted him the #1 overall and #9 picks while only costing himself Trent Green, Matt Schaub, the #10 overall pick, Brandon Jacobs and Reuben Droughns. Is there any doubt any more from anybody why Neil is the defending champion and one of the most successful owners in Swamp History? He has never rebuilt. He always reloads. The pick here has to be Adrian Peterson. For several reasons. First, there's the whole creepy and icky Vikings thing. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And there's the creepy and icky depth problem he has in the backfield. Domanick Davis missed all of last season, Mike Bell didn't live up to expectations, Jerious Norwood is at least a year away, Chester Taylor is already the Vikes RB1 but for how long, and Brian Westbrook is as durable as a set of tissue-paper whitewalls. RB help is needed and Peterson has to be the pick to team up with Stephen Jackson.

2. Trenton...Calvin Johnson. End of story. He's a 20-TD season waiting to happen. It won't be this year, but it won't be too long down the road. My spies tell me that this pick isn't in play for ANY sort of trade offer; that hell or high water Johnson goes to Trenton.

3. Little Rock...Needs some WR help. Isaac Bruce was a teammate of Moses at Jerusalem South H.S, Mark Clayton played like a little girl last year, is Troy Edwards still in the league? Brandon Lloyd? Michael Robinson? Excuse me, I threw up in my mouth a little. Any of the three of the remaining four first round WR's could go here (except Ted Ginn). Methinks Craig Davis makes the most sense as Philip Rivers is on this team and needs an outside threat to balance Antonio Gates. Pick: Davis.

4. Rekjavik...RB Marshawn Lynch. Steve Sr. has to feel fortunate to get a RB1 in this position. Anthony Thomas is only temporary help in Buffalo. Lynch will get plenty of opportunities to be the man if he can stay healthy. Besides, RB depth is thin after McAllister and McGahee. Pick: Lynch.

5. San Jose....RB Brandon Jackson. After Rudi Johnson and Julius Jones, San Jose is in a rising pile of doggy doo. With Peterson and Lynch off the board, he needs a back who will get touches as soon as possible. That's Jackson. Unless the Packers go out and trade for Larry Johnson (yeah, right) or sign Corey Dillon (possible). Jackson, even though a third-rounder in real-life, has to be the pick here. Or, this could be a trade spot. San Jose is loaded at QB with Leinart, Eli Manning, McNabb and Favre. Perhaps a package of this pick and a young QB could bring an established back. Possibly Shaun Alexander? Pick: Jackson.

6. Jackson...Active in the trade market, Jackson has answered RB depth issues by acquiring Joseph Addai. They've also improved depth at QB by getting Trent Green and Duante Culpepper. Green is a one-year guy and who knows if Culpepper will ever regain his form. Regardless, Jackson can go after a young QB here and will likely take JaMarcus Russell. Why not? Three RB's are gone, and LT still plays in Jackson with Addai, Ahman Green, and Thomas Jones so this position is pretty well covered. Pick: Russell.

7. East St. Louis....Needs WR depth. Robert Meacham is likely the best remaining WR on the board. Plaxico, the aging Joey Galloway, Antonio Bryant, Terrance Copper, Vincent Jackson, Michael Jenkins and Nate Williams scare nobody. Help is needed here and any of the two worthwhile first round WR's Meacham or Bowe could go, but Meacham seems closer to getting meaningful playing time and is thus the pick here. Pick: Meacham.

8. Kansas City....Needs WR help, although upgrading from Roy Williams to Reggie Wayne is significant. TE is now an issue after moving last year's #10 overall Vernon Davis, don't expect a TE to go here at 8 or 10 as there is very little worthwhile at that position. If Brandon Jackson is available, that might be a possibility here as KC likes to take RB's. But, as in mock draft 1.0, if Sidney Rice is available that will be the pick here. For whatever reason, this owner has fixated on certain WR's with very little success. Kevin Dyson, Charles Rogers and Larry Fitzgerald to name a few. Rice is next in line. Next Dyson? Next Fitzgerald? You pays your money and you takes your choice. Pick: Rice.

9. Los Angeles...Another RB is possible here. Chris Henry or Kenny Irons would be the best remaining options at this position, but it would be very hard to pass up WR Anthony Gonzalez. Gonzalez will work out of the slot in Indy this year, a position that is worth 6-8 touchdowns (see Stokley, Brandon). Marvin Harrison is 34 and eventually, Gonzalez will spread wide with Wayne after Harrison slows down. Having a matchup with Peyton Manning is worth the pick here. Pick: Anthony Gonzalez.

10. Kansas City...Gonzalez, if he's on the board will be the pick here. But, if he's gone, KC looks QB to build some depth. Brady Quinn will likely be on the board, and still waiting in the green room, and with only Tom Brady as the starter and very little quality depth behind him, Quinn has to be the pick, unless a young QB is acquired through another deal somehow. Pick: Brady Quinn.

Fargo and Port Washington do not have first round picks. Fargo picks at 11 and will likely grab whatever RB is available. Kenny Irons or Chris Henry have to be taken here.

Port Washington has two second round picks, 18 and 19, and will try to build RB depth. After Gore and James, PW is sitting on Cedric Benson, Kevan Barlow, LaDell Betts, and Thomas Jones. An upgrade is necessary here. If Irons or Henry are still available, one of them goes here. With Bulger and Schaub on board, perhaps a young QB like John Beck might play here or possibly Ted Ginn if he falls all the way down here.

Don't forget, the 17th Swamp Football Draft is at noon on Saturday, August 25.

Cheesehead Football Mock Draft 1.0

Insofar as I've already done one of these this week, I figured it's time for another. This one is for the Cheesehead Football League.

Obviously, balls haven't yet been selected, thus the personalities and preferences of various owners at various draft spots aren't included.

These are the top 12 (well, 13) picks as I see them.

1. RB-LaDanian Tomlinson. This is the ultimate "No-Shit Sherlock" pick of all-time. Greatest season EVER by anybody in '06 and no reason it shouldn't continue this year. If whomever wins this spot picks someone other than Tomlinson, they ought to have their franchise revoked. Trading down from the one-hole, however, would be genius.

2. RB-Larry Johnson. Another obvious pick. Went first last year which was a good pick. Nobody could have figured LT going absolutely ape-shit like he did. This is almost as obvious as LT at one.

3. RB-Frank Gore. Huge season and was the best draft steal of the year last year in Round 5. Durability questions have been answered. Well, at least until the Groins take him, then he'll be hit by a falling safe.

4. RB-Steven Jackson. Fourth overall pick last year and had huge numbers. Stayed healthy and didn't have the sceptre of Marshall Faulk hanging over his head. Great rushing/receiving threat. Should continue his high-value play.

5. RB-Shaun Alexander. Good value here, but more risk than in past seasons. Signed the big contract pre-'06 and got hurt for the first time. Still productive when healthy. Risky picks begin here. Less obvious value, more mystery.

6. RB-Laurence Maroney. Really? Yup. If healthy, he's a stud. Tough inside runner with good speed and that new receiver guy the Pats just got ought to ensure facing seven or less in the box all season long.

7. RB-Joseph Addai. No more Rhodes to get in the way and take carries. With the threats of Harrison, Wayne and Clark, whoever is running the ball is going to be facing a minimum of big uglies. Same advantage Maroney has will fall to Addai as well.

8. RB-Clinton Portis. It wouldn't surprise me to see him playing somewhere else this season. Either way, he'll be the man somewhere. Sure, LaDell Betts will get some carries in DC, but they won't be significant. Dan Snyder isn't paying Portis large green to watch.

9. RB-Willis McGahee. Playing behind a good offensive line with an actual QB raises McGahee's value immeasurably. And frankly, he needs to keep having good seasons to get paid so as to pay child support for what is by now, a small village.

10. QB-Peyton Manning. No discussion needed.

11. RB-Rudi Johnson. Seventh last season, falls slightly, but remains a valuable pick. Good QB/WR combination allows for some running room. Good in short yardage and out of the backfield as a receiver. Highly productive and good value at 11.

12/13. QB-Tom Brady/WR-Randy Moss. At 12/13, why the hell not? Brady is a high quality fantasy QB and Moss still has tread on the tire. His downturn in production is about attitude, not injury, and reportly has been running sub-4.3's. Brady has never had a great receiver who could stretch the field. Pair these guys up and pile up the points.

Swamp Mock Draft 1.0

EDITED TO SATISFY PORT WASHINGTON!!!!

Well, the NFL boys had their fun last weekend. Our fun will have to wait a bit longer. But, if the wet-pants brigade of the mainstream media can forecast the NFL draft, I, as commissioner of this band of brigands and misfits, can certainly post my thoughts about how our draft might go.

Thus, the first Swamp Football League Mock Draft. Enjoy!

1. Fargo (Needs: Everything!). Even though Calvin Johnson may very well be the best WR of the generation, Fargo has to pick for need at this spot. Adrian Peterson-RB-Minnesota should be the pick here. Not only is it a need, but it's a chance for a West River team to get a big-time Viking. Always an enjoyable pasttime. Also, Dewey is a life-long Seahawks fan and they didn't go offense. Marshawn Lynch could be a possibility here as he might start sooner than Peterson, but he doesn't have the speed/size and upside that the freakish Peterson has. Pick: Peterson.

2. Trenton (Needs: QB). Trenton is sitting on QB's Chris Simms, Alex Smith, Jon Kitna and Rex Grossman. Ouch. JaMarcus Russell has to be the pick here. Russell will likely get plenty of run, moreso than Brady Quinn who could be an alternate pick at this spot. Pick: Russell.

3. Little Rock (Needs: WR). If this draft unfolds this way, Steven will feel like he's hit the lottery. He has young backs and is set for ten more years at QB with Palmer and Rivers. Calvin Johnson has to be the pick here. Freakish speed/size, prototypical receiver who will be an All-Pro for ten years. Make your pick here and ride it to big point production. Pick: Johnson.

4. Rekjavik (Needs: WR/RB). This is a pretty solid team with a nice nucleus of young talent and solid veteran production. Marshawn Lynch would be the logical pick here, although Robert Meacham or Dwayne Bowe are possibilities. You never have enough running backs and Lynch provides depth at the position without having the pressure to produce right away. Could be a trade spot, too. Pick: Lynch.

5. San Jose (Needs: WR/RB). San Jose begins crying here if Lynch goes off the board. A young RB would be highly useful to this team because after Rudi Johnson and Julius Jones, the cupboard is pretty bare. This could be a trade spot to get a veteran back. If SJ stayes here, Bowe or Meacham would have to be the pick. Pick: Bowe.

6. Jackson (Needs: QB depth). Brady Quinn seems to be a nice pick here. After Bulger and Romo, only Aaron Rodgers waits in development. As long as LT and Harrison are on board, WR and RB are pretty well set. Perfect draft spot for a quality team with playoff possibilities to build for the future. Pick: Quinn.

7. E. St. Louis (Needs: WR depth). Robert Meacham, big and fast is the pick here. ESL is a perennial playoff team that is well-stocked at every position. Any running back taken here (Henry, Irons) may be a bit of a reach and depth at this position is thin at this spot. Pick: Meacham.

8. Kansas City (Needs: WR/QB). This team is LOADED at RB and could use one to make a draft-day move. WR was a major disappointment last season. Chambers and Williams underachieved and a reliable third option is needed as Muhammed is another year older and playing with Rex Grossman. After getting two good backs in the draft last year, while ignoring the WR spot, KC has to get an outside threat. And inasmuch as this owner has fixated on Sidney Rice since his freshman year at South Carolina, this is probably the pick, although, he's also a major Anthony Gonzalez fan. Another QB would be nice, but there's no value at this spot with both Russell and Quinn off the board. Pick: Rice.

9. Port Washington (Needs: QB/RB/TE). This is a trade spot. Andy himself asked me to mention that he has no plans to keep this pick and will include it in a deal for a QB which is a fairly strong need for his roster. When the deal for this pick is made, and I think that it will happen soon, I'll update the mock draft to version 2.0 and include the new team and their picks. If it's me, I need more WR's and the guy I don't take at 8, Gonzalez or Rice, will likely be the pick here. If only to piss off Neil in TWO different ways.

10. Los Angeles (Needs: Depth). L.A. has the enviable position of being defending champion of this league and has a solid nucleus of players. But depth, with age, is getting a bit thin. LA can take the best player available at any position to build depth with youth. What a nice luxury. TE isn't a bad pick here, but if Olson is off the board, no other TE is worth the ten-hole. A RB reach is possible, but the best player available here will be a WR. Anthony Gonzalez would fit nicely with incumbent QB Peyton Manning. Craig Davis and Dwayne Jarret are also possibilities here. But the lure of doubling up slot-guy Gonzalez with the best QB on the planet is too strong here to ignore. Pick: Gonzalez.

Draft day to be announced. I'm looking at mid-August. If you have dates in that time period that don't work, tell me TODAY. The draft order in this analysis is current as of May 4, 2007.

Ted Thompson Must Go!

Once again, I spent the entire day after the NFL Draft covered in my own vomit. Ted Thompson and his special brand of stupidity ruined yet another draft weekend; two of my favorite days of the year.

Stupid picks and stupid strategy.

Justin Harrell, a guy who has no history in college of staying healthy, is taken at 16. Why didn't Thompson trade down at this spot? Denver was willing to trade into the 17-hole and Cleveland was desperate to get back into the first round to get Brady Quinn. Harrell would have been available anywhere between 17-32 and the Packers would have gotten extra picks this year, and in the case of Cleveland, their number one next year which will be quite high.

Yet Thompson stayed put, which makes his second round strategy even more maddening.

With a need for a running back, Thompson traded down to the end of the second round. Just perfect. Minnesota jumped up to get Sidney Rice (mark it down--future All-Pro) and Teddy Ballgame pissed all over himself. OK, no receiver, but two good backs, Irons and Henry were there. Need and opportunity. Nope...makes too much sense...let's trade down, have both those guys get picked in our spot, and take a guy who SPLIT TIME at best in his career. If you wanted a back, stay there and take a better back than Jackson.

If I'm Brett Favre, the day before training camp, I announce my retirement.

Look, I understand not taking a first-round receiver. History has a tendency to look unkindly upon first-round wide receivers. But there were players available that would have helped Green Bay.

Here's my first five picks, if I'm in charge. These are at the original spots the Packers selected before deals were made. Each player was still on the board at the time of the picks. Tell me this isn't better then what Teddy Pisspants did.

1 (16) CB-Leon Hall Michigan
2 (47) RB-Kenny Irons Auburn
3 (78) CB-Daymeion Hughes California
4 (112) WR-Steve Breaston Michigan
5 (157) TE-Ben Patrick Delaware

In Hall and Hughes, you get depth and vast improvement in the nickle and dime packages. Irons is a pretty good back who was productive at Auburn. Breaston gives you a fantastic return guy and an outside option on offense and Patrick had himself a decent career at Delaware. Keep the two seventh round picks Harris and Wynn and add the kicker Mason Crosby at six, and I think you've helped yourself.

Remember, you still have plenty of cap money left over and can make a move or two for a veteran defensive tackle after June 1. Make any deal one year so as not to burden yourself with dead money if a guy doesn't work out. That's short-term help until the '08 draft or next offeseason's free agency period.

With the Favre window closing quickly, the Packers coming off an 8-8 '06 had a good chance to make a run this year. But, with very little help coming in the draft and only Frank Walker to show for free agency, and a second-place schedule, 8-8 in '07 is a fantasy.

And with 8-8 out of reach, next year Teddy Poopypants has a fantastic opportunity to screw up an even higher pick and raise his level of incompetence to match the importance of the pick.

Hope springs eternal, right friends?

Draft Day is finally here....

Now we'll find out just how badly Ted Thompson will screw this up.

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel is reporting this morning that Maryland Tight End Vernon Davis will be the Packers pick.

Oh, boy.

This is the kind of pick that makes you drive home from your draft parties with your head out the window.

Let's bring you up-to-date on Mr. Davis.

He's famous for running a sub-4.4 40-yard dash at the Combine.

Wheeee!

He was 6-3¼ and 254 at the combine, ran 4.38, jumped 42 and 10-8, and scored 20 on the Wonderlic. Pretty numbers. But can he run block? Seems kind of important in December in Green Bay.

4.38 was on turf indoors. Think he'll run 4.38 on December 15th with a 20 mile per hour north wind at Lambeau?

Think again.

If Teddy Wingnut wants Davis, that's fine. But not at pick 5. The only tight ends chosen at No. 5 were Riley Odoms by Denver in 1972 and Mike Ditka by Chicago in 1961. Anybody ever remember seeing that hilarious SNL skit about Riley Odoms? Me either.

My point is this. Davis may be the next Tony Gonzalez. He could be the next Antonio Gates. But at pick five, he better-damned-not-be the next Tyrone Davis. And the risk of getting Tyrone Davis is much higher. After all, how much does the tight end contribute in terms of offensive numbers if he's just a pass catcher? Bubba Franks is wonderful inside the three-yard-line. Everywhere else? Not so much. Plus, you just signed Bubba to a big-money extension last season? How much money can you put into that position when Davis won't be anything more than a third-down receiver and play in special situations. Bubba can block nicely, thank you. The Packers don't need another tight end.

I'm not totally sold on A.J. Hawk and if the Packers aren't either, they ought to trade down. D'Brickashaw Ferguson will be gone by five. Winston Justice wouldn't be a horrible selection down in the teens when you hedge your bet with an extra pick somewhere. And after losing Wahle, Rivera and Flanigan the last two years, you better find someone who can keep your quarterback upright or the Aaron Rodgers era will start sooner than anyone wishes.

Note: OK, I was wrong about Woodson. But I never expected Teddy Wingnut to throw that kind of money at him. I think it's worth it. Just so I don't have to look at Ahmad Carroll playing cornerback anymore.

Or hear Ed Hochuli speaking those fateful words.

Holding....Number 28....Defense....5-yard penalty....automatic first down.

I may live blog the draft....a little Commissioner's Analysis for my fantasy football leagues. After all, I have to let y'all catch up a bit in Swamp and Insanity.

Especially you West River Swampers.....Hahahahah! The trophy is mine!

Enjoy the draft.

Packer Agony to Continue

We're just days away from the NFL Draft. We all know that. What we don't know is when the days of 4-12 and stinking to boot will end in Green Bay.

What has the off-season meant to us? Well, we don't know about our quarterback. And frankly, aren't we all a little sick of his crap? We have a coach nobody knows anything about but who works, ostensibly, cheap.

And we have a second-year General Manager who couldn't find his ass without the aid of a road map and a flashlight.

Which brings me to today's nightmare. How can Ted Thompson screw up the fifth overall pick in the draft?

Let's count the ways.

First, in fairness to Mr. Thompson, drafting is an odds-against crapshoot.

Second....to hell with fairness. This yahoo hasn't done diddly-squat (new math term) to help this team.

OK, I can understand not matching the Giants obscene offer to LeVar Arrington. But Marc Boerighter and Marquand Manuel as your "BIG" off-season moves? You're kidding, right? And you just know Charles Woodson won't be a Packer.

So that leaves us with the draft.

Uh-oh.

Here's my prediction. Trade down. Way, way, way down.

Why?

Why to save money, of course. Thompson acts like any money he spends on actual talent comes out of his paycheck. How much money does he need? His haircut looks like his stylist was recently fired from Great Clips.

I'm not against trading down in principle. Jimmy Johnson and Jerry Jones used this strategy to build the Cowboys into a dominant team in the early to mid 90's.

If Ted would trade down a "few" spots; I'd have no problem. Get a player you want and get an extra pick is wonderful. I'd drive up to Green Bay and cut his lawn for free if he did this.

But I have the sinking feeling that around 1230 Saturday afternoon, Lord Tagliabue will stride to the podium and announce a deal. And that deal will have the Green and Gold picking at about 24. Whereupon lowball contract offers will commence. And we'll have a summer hearing about how some offensive guard from East Cupcake State will be in "Day 36" of his holdout.

Wake me when it's over. Please.